Texting

Starting conversations

How to be a low-maintenance friend without disappearing

The friendships that survive adulthood have the lowest running cost. How to keep one alive on very little, without it going quiet for good.

we should do something soon!
Starting conversations

I just want to say one thing without starting a whole conversation

Texting is asynchronous but socially synchronous. Sending one sentence opens something, and knowing that is why the sentence often does not get sent.

this meeting could have been an email
Someone to talk to

I need someone to talk to, but I don't need advice

People answer a problem with a solution because that is what listening looks like from the inside. How to ask for the other thing instead.

I know what to do, I just wanted to say it out loud
Someone to talk to

I want company, not plans

Adult friendship is organised around arrangements, and arrangements are expensive. How to ask for somebody nearby when you do not want an occasion.

are you doing anything? not plans, I mean are you just doing anything
Starting conversations

I want to text my friend, but I don't want to bother them. What do I say?

Bothering someone is a prediction about how they will feel. Here are messages that cost nothing to receive, so the prediction stops mattering.

hey sorry random but
Someone to talk to

Someone to talk to late at night: what are your options?

What is actually open after midnight, what each one is for, and why the thought that feels urgent at 2am usually reads differently at nine.

you up?
Starting conversations

The messages we draft and never send

A message written out in full, read back, and deleted. What the deleting is actually about, and which of those drafts were worth sending.

been thinking about you a lot this week, hope things are less heavy than they were
Starting conversations

What to text a friend after months of not talking

The longer the silence, the more people think the first message has to explain it. It doesn't. Here is what to send instead, by how long it has been.

I know it's been forever and that's on me,
Someone to talk to

Who can I talk to when everyone I know is busy?

An honest list of the options, including the ones that are not us, and what each is actually good for when the people in your life are unavailable this evening.

are you around? no worries if not
Someone to talk to

Who do you tell the small stuff to?

The small stuff needs somebody, and it is never the person you would call about the big stuff. Why that role goes empty, and what refills it.

the man in the corner shop remembered my name
Starting conversations

Why "how have you been?" can feel like too much work

It is a friendly question that asks for a summary of your entire life since you last spoke. Here is why it stalls conversations, and what to ask instead.

good! busy but good
Starting conversations

Why replying to a text can feel harder than having the conversation

Speaking takes no drafting and leaves no record. A reply is written, permanent, and read without your face attached. That gap is why messages sit unanswered.

sorry for the late reply!!